life's about adjustments

today its been a month. it amuses me I face it/ count it like i was in jail or rehab or something like that. both are about someone taking something you think you cant live without from you and you having to cope with that so I think it goes the same.

I forgot the birthday of the most important person of my life. and I cried again like it changed something at all. they keep telling me I'll get used to it and it will take some time. I know its not. this feeling is never gonna change but I'll learn how to live with it. It is hard. I want to spend the most time I cant beside the people that are not around me like they used to be and the worst part is I chose that and I dont know what bugs me more, if its just finding out how important they are now or having to figure out how to live without them being near.

I always say one of my qualities is getting up fast when I fall. things get hard when you fall multiple times. things can tricky. things get tricky when you try to talk to someone about it and it makes all worse. things get hard when you find out that people suck anywhere in the world. things get hard when you see things that others dont see about people. things get hard when you have to actually deal with it.

but I guess thats the trick. if it wasnt hard we wouldnt appreciate it. if things were easy there'd be no fun.

right now? im laughing inside. dont ask me to explain sarcasm.

and here I am telling secrets to the people I should not tell secrets to.

things have been way too loose. I'll be who I always was, keep focus and make em tight. for now I quit trying to make things the same. I'll try to get used to changes which I suck at and thats why I act like a drama queen. I'll try to make it new how it should be. I'll build something grand on which I can stand. only time will tell if some things are gonna be there in the end. changes are like recycling. you find ot what really matters and what doesnt. you learn how to turn something you would throw away into something you can use. I feel like recycling but adding more material this time.

always keep focus. if you lose sight you can lose everything

people as places as people

to answer the question, it'll probably take more
If you're already there, well you probably don't know
well we were the people that we wanted to know

and we're the places that we wanted to go

it's hard to get a hold of and hard to let go

always something we looked for from the day we were born

Instead were the people that we wanted to know

and we're the places that we wanted to go

always asking a question, and I don't wanna know
like the wind across strings that had finally let go

and the people you love, but you didn't quite know

and they're the places that you wanted to go

Bark at the neighbors, and then bark at the dog, HA

Sniffing the wind, whimpering for someone to know

But we were the people that we wanted to know

And we're the places that we wanted to go

Yeah we're the places that we wanted to go

It's not the intention, but we let it all go
Well it messed up the function and sure fucked up the flow

I hardly had people that I needed to know

Cause you're the people that I wanted to know

I'll be scrambling 'round, hunting high and then low
Looking for the face, love; or somewhere to go
I hardly had places that I needed to go

Cause you're the places that I wanted to go

weekend approaches and I get homesick. I wish I reacted in another way to this. its hard to grow up but its harder to get used to the feeling of missing people. we call it "saudade". and in fact, you only get the idea of this world by living it.

its been a blast so far. I needed to learn this stuff specially to value more things. now I do, and see the difference between having certain people around.

I'm not ok yet but things will get there eventually.

it was all kinda torned apart but now things are getting clearer and its all getting better at the same time. I still cry sometimes. I still feel like life is slapping me at my faze and telling me "grow up, bitch"

fighting: its not about how hard you hit. its about how hard you can take getting hit but keep moving forward.

fell down 7 times? stand up 8 times. and stand your ground. no matter what never lose focus of whats important for you. about the ones you left behind. they'll always be there if they really support you like you think they do. and they'll always be the places you wanted to go and the people you wanted to know. the people you love but you didnt quite know. I knew. I just didnt knew it so well.

resistance

Is it hard to convince yourself of what you can do and of what you are inside when you don have the ones that used to make this job easier around.

I will manage eventually, it will take time though. But as mom would say I'm strong and I'll figure out a way.

Gotta use what I've learned fighting: If the position is there but the person is not taping keep going. The person will tap and if not it will sleep. You have to keep trying till you get your moves perfect. You have to keep going everyday, train hard easy fight.

You have to be strong outside but most importantly inside in order to never get knocked out, just knocked out for a while but then go back in perfect shape and get it all done.

A match isn't always to the fastest or strongest but to the one that can keep on going